Ordinary.

It's amazing yet startling how easy it is to relate to her thoughts and life, especially when you lack God in your life, or perhaps it's startling just how ordinary all our minds are. The only creativity was the beauty with which she was able to express her prose, and look where that got her.

"Should we all confess our sins to one another, we would laugh at one another for our lack of originality."

-Khalil Gibran

I just don't [want to] care anymoreeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.

"I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead;
I lift my eyes and all is born again."

"Is there no way out of the mind?"

- SP

home weekend!

home sweet home :)

home for the weekend! really felt like coming home all week while i was at school and the brother was nice enough to pick me up after my classes on friday afternoon and we got pho for lunch which was nice :) i came home and decided i wanted to watch a movie... and decided on brokeback mountain b/c we had talked about it in class and it's just one of those movies that's been on my external that i still haven't watched yet. so, i basically fell asleep midway through and ended up napping for 4 hours.... a good start :)

i think i really need a weekend at home! i haven't been home on a friday for so long.

things i plan on doing:

• lotssss of catching-up on sleep. no alarm letting my body wake up whenever it wants blissful sleep. my bed at home is so comfortable <3
• getting schoolwork done. it's crunch time now.
• some leisurely reading.
• korean food! yumm.
• shopping maybe tomorrow!
• hang out with the grams :)

random things about the animals in my home:

• my beta fish.. is basically my mom's beta fish. she feeds it, she comes in and talks with it when she gives it food and she also named it. his/her name is blue. a good gender-neutral name. im planning on moving blue and his/her fishbowl home into my mom's room tomorrow while she's at work. HAHA
• i only converse with my dogs in korean, it's really weird. that's just what comes out.

good weekend to you allllll!

a 'good day'

today was... a good day. i've used that phrase a lot before.. but structurally and event wise.. today was actually really good. recap:

-i actually woke up when i planned & actually got myself to get up and take a shower.

-had time to take my time to get ready for class.

-had a hearty breakfast.

-realized the weather was going to be superduper fantastic. automatic 100 points.

-participated in my class.

-actually did the reading for my next class during the 50 minute break i have inbetween (there have been so many times this semester i don't do the reading and plan to do this and end up spending those 50 minutes on like facebook or something) classes

-sold tickets for the asa/ksa formal and got some free chinese food.

-found out my paper i thought was due today is actually not due for another week or so (this may have been the biggest game-changer)

-spent my time in women in the bible effectively.. and by that I mean looking up scholarships.

-had some quality bonding time w/ agnes in the beautiful weather.

-had a nice dinner and then saxby's time with agnes & sophie.

-completed TWO commentaries!

-had an epic wiffleball game where we won in the bottom of the last inning off a grandslam from justin and brian hitting in the winning run. the other team was fun/funny too.

-relaxed and got some late night.

-and now i'm back in my room not feeling tired at all (it'll probably hit me tomorrow when i have to wake up for my 830, but lets not think that far ahead)

so looking back.. it was a .. pretty dang good day.. but i can't also help and look back on this wonderful day of events that are pretty fantastic for a monday and still linger on the emotional/mind (whatever you want to call it) fluctuations that also occurred throughout the day. no, that does not mean i got angry, frustrated, or flipped out on someone, but just there have been so many thoughts that swiver (i don't even know if that's the right word but it feels right) in and around my mind/brain such as....

-why do i care so much about what others think about me?

-do i complain too much?

-do i just think too much about it and people don't even care as much as I think and maybe I'm just self-conscious?

-do i just have low self-esteem? i never thought i did. or maybe this is just a phase.

-man, people (including myself) care so much about how people look.. and it's so easy to just attribute personality with that.

-how much do i actually know? i could just be a fool who's ignorantly going along thinking she has some kind of sense of what's going on in her life.

-why do people try so hard to seem so perfect and with no problems, that seems foolish.. there's no one that's like that and we all know that.. yet we try so hard.
-how much can you really change or do in one day?

-was today actually a good day? did i do any good?

-i feel like i could say the way i acted and my actions and mindset could say that i took some steps.. little steps? micro steps?

-but is that good enough? i can't believe today was a whole day and it's already passed.

-soon the week will be over.. then a month.. will these little steps even make a difference and actually produce a change?

-or am i just going to do something that'll make me take 5 more steps behind & make it feel even more impossible and once again hopeless to even take a little step forward?

so.. was it a good day? i don't know, but these are the events and thoughts that occurred during today... just during one day. tomorrow will again be just one day. it seems so long, but so short, it's crazy.

ps: thanks adele for accompanying me and being the soundtrack for my day.